Vulnerable, real, and raw Rob. How do you feel after writing it?
When I started dating my wife, one of the biggest hurdles to our relationship was the image I had of myself. After years of relationship failures, I'd convinced myself I was the perfect catch. I'd made mistakes in dating (even sampling the forbidden fruit of an out-of-reach yet attractive relationship a few times) but it was mostly them who were crazy or out of alignment. Not me.
I couldn't see how blind I was until I saw it in my future wife. She presented a mirror of my flaws.
I was prideful and angry. Insecurity and fear of never being enough ruled my actions. Looking back, it's no surprise my crises years post-military between 2017 and 2018 were two of the most difficult in my life.
It was hard. I had to let go of a lot of attitudes, habits, and feelings left over from my service that were no longer helpful. For the first time, I got counseling. Individually and with my girlfriend (now wife).
I didn't just rebuild, I recreated myself as a man from the ground up.
The process took years to set. But I haven't looked back since. The biggest thing I've worked on over the past 5 years of marriage is being patient with and loving myself. Including the darker parts (especially the darker parts!) This is training for doing the same for my wife. When I do this for myself, it's easier to give her that grace when she struggles.
I've learned to distinguish the parts of myself that are changeable and the ones I hold onto (despite being perceived as negative by society or others) - they make me who I am. Most important, I've learned to forgive my humanity when I don't measure up or I slip back into old ways. I study these, now uncommon, occurrences with humble curiosity. Was it just a one off? Or is something changing within I'm not aware of? Taking this mindset removes the "one-chance" attitude I've absorbed from the culture.
Because in many we're taught to hate ourselves in today's world. (This is especially true as a Black man). Rely on corporations, products, governments - anything but good ol' gut instinct. You're no good on your own.
That lack of self-reliance closes us off. Makes us quick to reach for "solutions" mostly manufactured "problems" that never really existed. Love of a good partner steers you back to yourself, but only you can take the steps.
Welcome back Rob. Wishing you good luck on your continued journey back to the new version of yourself. Once you find and appreciate him, a relationship that does the same will appear out of nowhere (maybe it already has :)
You’re awesome Rob, thank you for the sincere and vulnerable piece.
My only pushback is your sense that you have to “earn” your self-respect. You’re already worthy of it before you do anything at all. And, not that it matters, but me and hundreds of others whose lives you’ve touched respect you already as well, your “2023 decisions” included. Lots to be proud of already!
Great to have you back, buddy. Oh how I resonate with all of this, the going away to be able to come back to self, the joy of finding poetry come out of an unexpected love, the confronting of the need to write and admitting self-respect and self-love is The Way. Much love, happy returns 💚
Rob! I'd sporadically think of you and how you were doing and it's good to see you're back (and also recovering from the downward curve). I also want to jump back into the forest and see whats up. All the best man
Welcome home brother!
definitely here for the loving groundedness. thank you for opening the doors and the windows to your 2023.
Thanks for this.
An inspiring account of an inspiring experience. Wishing you the best.
glad to have you back sir
Wow inspiring story. You paid the cost to give it value. Thanks for sharing that value with us.
Thank you for this incredibly honest share of yourself.
Vulnerable, real, and raw Rob. How do you feel after writing it?
When I started dating my wife, one of the biggest hurdles to our relationship was the image I had of myself. After years of relationship failures, I'd convinced myself I was the perfect catch. I'd made mistakes in dating (even sampling the forbidden fruit of an out-of-reach yet attractive relationship a few times) but it was mostly them who were crazy or out of alignment. Not me.
I couldn't see how blind I was until I saw it in my future wife. She presented a mirror of my flaws.
I was prideful and angry. Insecurity and fear of never being enough ruled my actions. Looking back, it's no surprise my crises years post-military between 2017 and 2018 were two of the most difficult in my life.
It was hard. I had to let go of a lot of attitudes, habits, and feelings left over from my service that were no longer helpful. For the first time, I got counseling. Individually and with my girlfriend (now wife).
I didn't just rebuild, I recreated myself as a man from the ground up.
The process took years to set. But I haven't looked back since. The biggest thing I've worked on over the past 5 years of marriage is being patient with and loving myself. Including the darker parts (especially the darker parts!) This is training for doing the same for my wife. When I do this for myself, it's easier to give her that grace when she struggles.
I've learned to distinguish the parts of myself that are changeable and the ones I hold onto (despite being perceived as negative by society or others) - they make me who I am. Most important, I've learned to forgive my humanity when I don't measure up or I slip back into old ways. I study these, now uncommon, occurrences with humble curiosity. Was it just a one off? Or is something changing within I'm not aware of? Taking this mindset removes the "one-chance" attitude I've absorbed from the culture.
Because in many we're taught to hate ourselves in today's world. (This is especially true as a Black man). Rely on corporations, products, governments - anything but good ol' gut instinct. You're no good on your own.
That lack of self-reliance closes us off. Makes us quick to reach for "solutions" mostly manufactured "problems" that never really existed. Love of a good partner steers you back to yourself, but only you can take the steps.
Welcome back Rob. Wishing you good luck on your continued journey back to the new version of yourself. Once you find and appreciate him, a relationship that does the same will appear out of nowhere (maybe it already has :)
You’re awesome Rob, thank you for the sincere and vulnerable piece.
My only pushback is your sense that you have to “earn” your self-respect. You’re already worthy of it before you do anything at all. And, not that it matters, but me and hundreds of others whose lives you’ve touched respect you already as well, your “2023 decisions” included. Lots to be proud of already!
Great to have you back, buddy. Oh how I resonate with all of this, the going away to be able to come back to self, the joy of finding poetry come out of an unexpected love, the confronting of the need to write and admitting self-respect and self-love is The Way. Much love, happy returns 💚
gosh, this was so beautiful to read. <3 <3
take that RV on the road bro?
Rob! I'd sporadically think of you and how you were doing and it's good to see you're back (and also recovering from the downward curve). I also want to jump back into the forest and see whats up. All the best man
What a wonderful piece. So grateful you took the time to write it,
Thanks for your vulnerability. And for this ôde to keep writing no matter what. To a brighter 2024 🥂
Ah, another layer or ten peeled away and a Rob come home. I can feel it in the energy behind your words. ❤️🔥